I Will Always Love You

Always working, too busy to spend time with his children, wish he had all boys and instead he had all girls, was the strict one in the family, his wife always told his children after behaving bad, "Just wait until your dad gets home!", never really connected with his daughters, and left everything for the mother to do...

These are all of the things my father NEVER did, and I love him for it....

My father had to be one of the funniest man I ever knew. He always had a story to make me giggle, and always made sure my sisters and I knew that he was there. He worked hard, but he made sure to take time to spend with his family. He was not the strict one, and I feel like my father connected with all of us on a special level. My sisters and I loved him in our way and he didn't just have a generic love, it felt as though we all had our love custom made. He loved the fact that he had all girls because we all took care of him and made him feel special, especially after he got ill.

Me with my parents

As most of you know, I lost my father one year ago today during a lung transplant which was not successful. My father was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis and the only hope for him to live a normal life was to undergo a transplant. The lung donor was not the best match, so the surgery did not go as planned. When the doctors were trying to tell us what happened, even they couldn't let out the words that my father's surgery had failed. I had never seen a team of doctors crying while trying to break the news to a family...but then again, my father was no ordinary man. The doctors seem to have connected with my father because my dad had a shining personality. I mean the man didn't even speak proper English, and yet people would instantly fall in love with him because of his kind heart and sweet smile.  

It breaks my heart to think about my father being gone, but I guess it just took time to understand why this happened. Most people who get a lung transplant have the hardest time after surgery and about 68% survive the first three months. Each year would have been a slimmer chance for my father, and most people never made it past 10 years. My family and I were basically buying time, and I don't think I could have lived with the fear of thinking, "He can go at any time." The only comfort that I have is that he left this earth feeling no pain, no regrets, and knowing that we all tried everything to save him. 

I will always love my dad and keep him with me wherever I go. When you loose someone this close, people always tell you, "Don't worry, with time you will heal." But I have to break it to all of you, it's not true. You only learn to deal with it and live with it, but you never forget, nor does the pain ease. With time I have only missed him more and wished he were around for all of the life events to come. What has kept me going is his memory and the things he taught me. Like I said before, my father was so kind and sweet and I know that he would want me to keep moving forward, work harder, live better, love life and laugh every chance I could.

My mother has been an amazing woman through all of this, and she has made me stronger through all of this. My dad was the only man my mother loved, and to see him go away, I know my mom has felt it more than all of us. The two of them were like little love birds, always together, especially after he got ill. What blows my mind even more is the fact that I think their love was stronger after he got sick. They were together for more time, it was difficult to separate them, and if one person was gone you could see it in their eyes. My mom has been an inspiration during all of this because even though she has suffered a lot, she still tries to make herself happy. Instead of locking herself up in her room, she went back to the Dominican Republic and spends her days trying to live her life and enjoying the home that she and my dad worked so hard to build together. I love her so much.

My friends and family have also been amazing through all of this, and I am glad that all of them have been there.

Days like this are hard, but surprisingly even though he's not physically here, I still feel like he's the one motivating me to keep going. 

I love you dad.