I Will Always Love You

Always working, too busy to spend time with his children, wish he had all boys and instead he had all girls, was the strict one in the family, his wife always told his children after behaving bad, "Just wait until your dad gets home!", never really connected with his daughters, and left everything for the mother to do...

These are all of the things my father NEVER did, and I love him for it....

My father had to be one of the funniest man I ever knew. He always had a story to make me giggle, and always made sure my sisters and I knew that he was there. He worked hard, but he made sure to take time to spend with his family. He was not the strict one, and I feel like my father connected with all of us on a special level. My sisters and I loved him in our way and he didn't just have a generic love, it felt as though we all had our love custom made. He loved the fact that he had all girls because we all took care of him and made him feel special, especially after he got ill.

Me with my parents

As most of you know, I lost my father one year ago today during a lung transplant which was not successful. My father was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis and the only hope for him to live a normal life was to undergo a transplant. The lung donor was not the best match, so the surgery did not go as planned. When the doctors were trying to tell us what happened, even they couldn't let out the words that my father's surgery had failed. I had never seen a team of doctors crying while trying to break the news to a family...but then again, my father was no ordinary man. The doctors seem to have connected with my father because my dad had a shining personality. I mean the man didn't even speak proper English, and yet people would instantly fall in love with him because of his kind heart and sweet smile.  

It breaks my heart to think about my father being gone, but I guess it just took time to understand why this happened. Most people who get a lung transplant have the hardest time after surgery and about 68% survive the first three months. Each year would have been a slimmer chance for my father, and most people never made it past 10 years. My family and I were basically buying time, and I don't think I could have lived with the fear of thinking, "He can go at any time." The only comfort that I have is that he left this earth feeling no pain, no regrets, and knowing that we all tried everything to save him. 

I will always love my dad and keep him with me wherever I go. When you loose someone this close, people always tell you, "Don't worry, with time you will heal." But I have to break it to all of you, it's not true. You only learn to deal with it and live with it, but you never forget, nor does the pain ease. With time I have only missed him more and wished he were around for all of the life events to come. What has kept me going is his memory and the things he taught me. Like I said before, my father was so kind and sweet and I know that he would want me to keep moving forward, work harder, live better, love life and laugh every chance I could.

My mother has been an amazing woman through all of this, and she has made me stronger through all of this. My dad was the only man my mother loved, and to see him go away, I know my mom has felt it more than all of us. The two of them were like little love birds, always together, especially after he got ill. What blows my mind even more is the fact that I think their love was stronger after he got sick. They were together for more time, it was difficult to separate them, and if one person was gone you could see it in their eyes. My mom has been an inspiration during all of this because even though she has suffered a lot, she still tries to make herself happy. Instead of locking herself up in her room, she went back to the Dominican Republic and spends her days trying to live her life and enjoying the home that she and my dad worked so hard to build together. I love her so much.

My friends and family have also been amazing through all of this, and I am glad that all of them have been there.

Days like this are hard, but surprisingly even though he's not physically here, I still feel like he's the one motivating me to keep going. 

I love you dad.

Please Don't Hate Me!

Me: So.... Here we are....well this is pretty awkward (Shifts away from the screen and looks down) I didn't expect to see you here.

Blog: F#$@ YOU!

Me: Damn it! I know I said I wouldn't abandon you again, but shit got cray! I'm back baby I promise! (Hugs my screen and looks at it with kind eyes.)

Sorry guys for killing you with that weird beginning, but once again I left my blog, but I am really trying this time to commit a little more. Since I am a journalism major, my ass should be typing up a story every day, I know, but life has just been crazy. I'm back on though I promise! 

So here's an update....(I'm warning you, you might cry after you read all of the crap that has been going on) 

OK...Here we go...

My car was totaled in a car accident because some guy ran a stop sign and the scam insurance company only gave me 75% of my cars value because the Newark police officer drew a messed up description on the police report that kinda helped the other driver. Thanks Newark PD, you guys are always so helpful... So the poor college kid now has to figure out how to get a car with only $3000 bucks...

#Vegielife

 I recently found out I have PCOS meaning...well I guess you can call it "mini-cysts" in my ovaries and I had to make some recent changes in my life to help the sitch. So basically I am a full blown vegetarian now, in hopes that this will help my condition. I have been trying to "juice" but unfortunately I have been lacking motivation. I'm just hoping that giving up meat will help out my situation and I can live a healthier lifestyle. 

I am currently working at my school's radio station just archiving and transcribing old material as well as keeping inventory. This job ends this month. I NEED A JOB! I am about to be poor in about to a month, so please guys, if you have any suggestions for new jobs, please let me know!!! I want to preferably do something in the journalism field, but at this point, I think I'm down for everything...maybe even this...

JKJK... I'm not that desperate! (Calls Britney)

Anyways...

It has been a crazy couple of months, but I am just trying to keep my head up. I will keep updating especially because Lisi and I had an epic convo today. I don't wanna leave my blog on an emo note... but I promise, I have a feeling things will get better! (Or else I will be looking like this in the streets of Newark.....)

:* Besos

I Should Get Fired...

Dear Blog,

I am so sorry. I have left you to fend for yourself, and I just feel horrible! I left you off at a sour note with a pathetic sitcom blog as a last entry, and its just not right, nor fair to you. I apologize for everything you've been through and I am sorry that I have been such a horrible mommy! Please don't report me to writers DFYS. I promise I will be a present mommy. I should get fired from my own blog that makes absolutely no profits! I have stories piled up and time to fill in, so I swear I will feed you all the nutrients you deserve you sad little thing! With that in mind...here's my story.

**Reaches out for a hug and feeds it some water in my hand**

(Now that we got that awkward moment out of the way..)

Alright ladies and gents. Get ready...Have I got a story for you...

I.....started.....online.....dating.

I know, I know, it's not such a big deal anymore, but I don't know how I feel about it just yet. It started off suuuuper rocky, but I guess so far, it hasn't been as bad as I expected. One of my girl friends started online dating, and she told me just to try it. Of course I try anything at least once **Insert "That's what she said" joke** (You know you wanted to do it.)

As for my profile I wanted to do an epic intro for my page just to spice things up a little. Oh...you know you wanna read it....

About Me

Online dating.

Ahhh I'm actually doing this!

Ok I'm over being scared... Now that we did this.. My name is Perla, but everyone calls me Pearls. I am 22 years old and I am currently in school majoring in Broadcast Journalism. I have a very laid back attitude and I am probably the funniest person I know..I swear I make knock-knock jokes and everything! I have a huge personality and I love to make people smile. I also have a big heart...but don't get crazy either :p (yes I also have a bad tendency of making those silly emicon faces...judge me, because I already do.) I love Drake (I know judge me again!!) and I love going out dancing with my friends and having that moment where a Drake song comes up and we drop whoever we are dancing with to yell out, "Hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah...f!@# right, f!@# right!" My friends and I have a tendency of thinking we have street cred and have gangsta lingo from time to time...but in reality... we were raised in the burbz. So I hope you can deal with the silliness that is my life. I am very ambitious and have a bright future ahead of me, so if you'd like to know more...don't be shy! The most I could do is reply...that's what online dating is for, aint it?

Ha....Wouldn't you date me??? Shoot I'd date me with that intro! **Real life kicks in and I realize I don't actually have any readers and I cry myself to sleep** -_-

So  far....I've been getting the typical, "Wassup ma?" and the, "Damn Mami, das all you???? Look a dem' curves!" I swear I'm not even trying to flatter myself, because well...this is not how I want my future date to talk. By all means, I love being a little ghetto fab from time to time...Peroooo Like...... not for real....

 

Ghetto Fab (I was going to Summer Jam..What do you expect??)

 Just for your entertainment.. these are the pictures I have gotten :)

Looks like he's saying, "Imma teach you a lesson!"

Smoothhhhhh

I'm not gonna lie, I have gotten some normal responses, and I am telling the truth there are good guys out there. But I have decided to delete my page... and this is why...

It is one thing to be aggressive, guys, and I love aggressive men. But I have gotten the nastiest messages ever by some really dirty dudes out there. All I have to say is...please stop! I am sure you are all part of Megan's Law....Creeps.

Anyways..... I have had fun over all talking to new people but I have to say, "Bon Voyage" to the online dating scene. Needless to say, I will still be talking to the people that I have met... buuuuut I think I got my fix. I'll be alright. I've met some awesome people so I can't complain ;)

                                 Overall...What have I learned from online dating??

1.) Guys all of a sudden grow a pair on the internet when they talk to girls.
2.) Guys with no shirts in their picture is a big NO-NO!
3.) Only talk to men who refer to something on your profile when they message you because if they just say, "Hey Ma" no matter how cute they may be...chances are they didn't even read your page. And they are already imagining you laying on fur...butt naked....intense right??? 
4.) Don't talk to anyone who doesn't have a picture.
5.) With online dating...you're allowed to be shallow...NO ONES WATCHING YOU TO JUDGE YOU!!!! lol
6.) Have fun with it, and don't take it too seriously if the guy you think is cute hasn't hit you up. Because chances are...in 5 min...another cutie will send you a message ;)
7.) Don't be afraid to flirt!

8.) Don't put up duck pictures!!
9.) Instagram does not make you cute all of a sudden.
10.) Don't be too crazy eager....there are some psychos out there.


11.) You can go on looking like this...

Grubbin on some porridge

While findin me a MANNNNN

While saying you look like this...Always.

On a good day of course 0_o

12.)Delete you page once you think you've been lucky enough. Obviously I haven't met "the one" but I think for now I'm good. I don't want to push my luck! 

Have fun kiddos making your online pages! <3

Later gator.

P.S.- I promise not to abandon you again my baby Blog!!! I shall build you up to be a success!!!

The Game+Sex and the City+Girlfriends= I will probably never date ever again

I just might never date again......and this is why.....

So..I am not a big fan of T.V. I don't even have one in my room. I try to keep it as far away as possible from me...until I started getting bored at my old job..WRONG. It all started one day when I was randomly watching B.E.T. I saw a marathon going on and I just thought.."Eh...why not. Seems like appropriate background noise while I work on stuff." I had also noticed the star of the show was Tia Mowry, which I love, and I thought it could probably be a good show. I started paying attention...and just like that! I got hooked! DAMN YOU KELSEY GRAMMER!!! (Oh yeah if you didn't know, that man is the producer of "The Game" and "Girlfriends". I saw that the other day and I was like.....WTF???REALLY?)

Stop it Frasier!

 

Anyways....well I love the show and it's awesomeness but then my morals and my better judgment kicked in. And then FAIL...the awesomeness was gone. Although I do love drama and all the bickering, the show    really is based on love. It's supposed to be a story of how the females who are involved in the professional football players "world" life is. Now...one character is the protective sassy ghetto momager..which is interesting and pretty clever. The other is a white woman who is married  with one of the football players. And the main character who is a med school student and also a girl friend of a new comer (Rookie) in the team. Everything seems awesome and the lifestyle is great, until I noticed one thing. THE MEN RULE...according to this show. The show is all about these women but it just seems that they all have to give up something to be with these men. The momager cant have a real life because of her son, the married one got divorced because her rich husband wouldn't give her a cent and just went insane after the break-up, and the med school student just got married, and never did her residency. Now... don't get me wrong, I know that we have to give up things in our life when we are in love, but god damn! These women just went crazy and gave in 100%. I don't want to enforce all of my feminist beliefs, but it just bothers me that in a show where we can show women that they can have it all...they take it all away and tie it with a little Louis Vuitton bag in exchange for giving your all to a man.

 EPIC FAIL.

Now on to Sex and the City....

I started watching this show ages ago, and I love it. It is perfect to put as background sounds when you go to sleep, lol. But for real, the show is about the bond between women and how to keep friendship alive. But just as I thought the show was 100% amazing, I noticed that women were taking this show as a "how to" guide. I started paying attention to the show and just thought...."Really? This is not what to do, this is what not to do." I do admire some of the relationships, but the situation the writers put Carey in...OMG....ridiculous! She is constantly saying that she wants real love but when she finds it, she goes crazy, leaving long voicemails with utterly no real words. I swear I lost maaaaaad respect for the show after so many years of watching it and seeing all of the dumb things just made me realize that all of these girls are submissive to anything that is "Real Love" or at least the idea of it. I will never view this show the same :(

Let's move on to my personal favorite...

 

"My girl friends...there through thick and thin..."

(Yeah ok, as every girl in this show hates on each other)

Okay now on this show, it is a little bit diverse because each girl is in a different financial state, they all come from different backgrounds but all of them come together with two topics...men and making your friends jealous. These ladies all work hard and yet when one of them has a boy friend, the other feels jealous and feels the need to be a bickering woman.  One of these women is a lawyer, the other a single mother trying to go back to school, one is a hippie still trying to "find" herself and writes documentaries, and the other in a real estate agent. All of these women have a purpose, but yet they will drop it all to have "the perfect man" and would do anything to make their friends jealous, or would leave their girls to be with their men. 

Honestly I watch these shows because they make me laugh, and they are super super scandalous, but it just hurts my feelings that they promote that women should change it all for a man, and that friends are there to be your counselors, but yet you can easily dip on them when your man needs you. These shows make women look extremely needy and make us look like we need 100% support from our men. It upsets me that this is how America seems to view our women. Whether being a med student, a writer, or a lawyer, we still need a man next to us to define us....Sounds ridiculous right???? Ughhhh fail.

Fashion's Night Out!

Manny and I cheesing HARD!

On September 8^th, 2011, was one of fashions most important night out. It’s a night where fashion comes to life and people get to express their personality without having to say a word. The streets all over the world in fashion capitals were full of style and music while people celebrate individuality. Might I add… I am not just talking about fashion week my friends. All the rage on September 8^th was about Fashion’s Night Out! Yes people get with it. Are you confused yet? I thought so. Let me educate you about the importance of this awesome night. Fashion’s Night Out was created to show the season’s latest fashions at many participating stores in different cities. It was created in 2009 to help out with the recession and since then stores took advantage and held great sales on that specific day. Stores stay open late while the city swarms with fashion lovers…oh and did I mention they offer drinks and DJ’s while you shop! Seriously it’s like you’re in the club while you shop. Overall it is a crazy and fun experience.



Trying to steal the camera @ Lomography lol.

Please enjoy our creepified picture/mirror

                I wanted to see what all the rage was about with Manuel Zavaleta (look him up on the Style Engineers page on FB and make sure you hit “LIKE”!) and I have to say we both had a great time. Our first visit was Lomography. We had a great time looking at the unique cameras and the film that was posted as artwork on the walls. Honestly these people are good; they make me want to buy a camera just because it looked sooooo damn cutie. We also got a change to walk into a Sephora in Union Square where we got a silly picture taken(courtesy of GLO teeth whitener) and they made it into a funny mirror, which you’d best believe I’ll harass Manny to see if he’s carrying it around!   After that we roamed the streets with the rest of the people and just absorbed in all of the craziness that is Manhattan. I mean NYC is not a normal place by all means, but the streets were just so crowded and riots were formed all over the place (in the name of fashion of course). I was able to document the craziness. (Please enjoy the mini vid that will be added on by the end of the night...I promise!).We took plenty of pictures, enjoyed many laughs (at the walking fashion “DON’TS”) and definitely hope to attend next year.  Good job FNO organizers, the event was a total success.  

  

Please enjoy my badly edited and recorded clip of FNO :)

Enjoy The awesome/random assortments of pictures <3

@ Lomography

@ Sephora

The cutest Vespa ever! I wants it!

The crazy crowd @ Dash... Oh those Kardashian's

<3 Besos

Guy at a bar-"So where you from?" Me- "JC Chilltown kid, smart!"

Oh Jersey City! I have left you once in 2009! But I swear, my dear, I will never leave you again! Your diverse people, horrible roads, and awesome cuisine! I promise I will never leave again!!! (Until I start making mega dollaz yo!) But for real...I love this place and my new apartment. Oh you didn't know I moved? Well now you do....GET WITH THE PROGRAM!

My new roomie...this might end ugly since she agreed to take this pic. (RIPS LEASE)

So now I am a Jersey City kid with Lisi Vasquez and life has been pretty awesome. I am officially out of the land of Somerset, NJ. Woop Woop! Lisi and I moved in July 5th (officially) after so many epic encounters. We were searching for so many different places, until we walked into the only apartment that provided no photo on the sketchy craigslist website. When we first walked in, we were a little scared because the entrance was odd. But as we continued our tour, we fell in love! The place is quirky, odd, and confused, kinda like us. It.Was.Perfecto. I honestly feel sooo glad to live here :)

As for my job sitch...I got this. Oh why you may ask? Because I also have a new job!!! Yupp errithang new boo boo!!! Yeah I am now employed by the Hyatt Place in Secaucus, and I have to say I love it. Everyone I work with is pretty cool and I totally enjoy their spirit. They accept my silliness and the way I talk, so I totally accept them, We can now be friends....Smart. 

I am also now going to school at Bloomfield College and I have to say, I heart it with a smile. I know this is just puppy love and eventually I will regret what I am saying, but I am just so glad to be back in school. The only thing I dont appreciate is the fact that I am 100000 years old next to these kids. I am surrounded by 17 &18 year olds that have just moved into a dorm and just recently happened to learn the ABC's...and possibly how to wipe their booty. HAHA..no but for realy. My professor told us the other day to have a great weekend and to not get too drunk. And then he followed by.."Ha just kidding! You kids are too young to drink!" And everyone started laughing, and I joined in with a nervous smile, since I am a 21 year old fossil. Lame.


Well that pretty much sums up my life of awesomeness. Life is good and sweet and even though I am still poverty, I will be ok, because I have all of these new elements to keep me happy. Keepin it real like Nene Leaks always...and besos :*

This isn't me..or it wasn't me, but now I guess it is.

So I haven't written in my blog in a while, but I do have to be more committed to my work! Ughhh I hate being a lazy bum! lol. But besides all that, my life hasn't been very interesting. Everything has been going pretty good, which is awesome, but there are some things that just keep on occurring (in my dreams that is) that is just bothering me.

Note- I am guessing the producers are getting bored..so they at least need to plug something in my dreams! lol

So here's the dilio. My love life is going down toilette. I honestly believe that one day I will just split and BAM! We gots a baby. I am not trying to do the whole typical "I hate men!" rant; I am just simply thinking that I am not interested. Now don't get me wrong, I am not switching to the dark side, but legit I think something is wrong. I think I have just lost a lot of interest and I can't seem to get myself to even picking up the phone when a boy is calling. What is wrong with me?!?

So I have been having these crazy dreams lately that all have to do with my ex. It is crazy because when everything ended between us, I apologized so much and I wanted closure. But I never officially got it neither did I EVER get an apology. Our relationship was toxic, but eventually I knew when it was time to leave. And even when I tried to get away, he would still try to talk to me. I have officially blocked his number, stopped talking to our mutual friends, blocked him on facebook, email everything! I am even avoiding picking up unknown numbers and yet his spirit still follows me. It has been over a year since we have been over and yet it is still not OVER. What gets me is that all of these dreams that I have been having include him saying “I’m sorry". I don’t think I will ever get that, and I am not expecting it, but whyyy???? I mean I am over him, I know who he is, but I think the pain still lingers, and it is evolving into me resenting love, or at least the possibility of it.

Like I said, this is not an "I hate men" rant, but lately I have been feeling like I just don't need men. I am happy by myself. I got into a great school with an amazing scholarship. I will be moving to Jersey City with my friends soon. I am in the process of buying a car. Things are just going into place and for once, I am in control. So I think to myself “What is there not to love? No wonder I want to be alone!" lol I know this is mega selfish and maybe even a little wierd, but I am just loving myself and feeling happy about life. But I am just getting worried that since I am having issues with my past and getting over things, it is intervening with my feelings towards men. I am 21 and I am at that age where I should be having fun, talking to many boys, or at least want to have a "special somebody". What I have been feeling is, "I just wanna party with my friends..hold on let me just cancel on him." "Oh god that guy is calling again (ignore button)." "Oh that guy is sending a drink, I don't want it, and send that shit back because then I'll have to talk to him." "Ahhh he is texting me talking about he loves my eyes, ughhh why is he so cheesy!!!!!!" "Ha! I am sure you say that shit to every girl." Or my personal favorite "Oh you want to go to dinner? Ummm I mean it's only sex, not that serious."

 Seriously, I have either become a "Bro" or I am just fucked up in the head....what is that shit? I mean I am just concerned because this wasn't me, but I am afraid it is now. I used to want to be with someone. Want to hold hands, kiss, be all lovey dovey, try to be romantic, or even fantasize about having a great boy friend. But now I just want to be alone, don't want to be bothered, and I get annoyed when I see all of these annoying couples together. (I don't mean to be a hater but god damn let yourself breathe!) I just don't think I would ever be ready to call my life ours and I am just not ready to change my life for anyone. I don't want to tell anyone where I am going, what I am doing, splitting up holidays, dealing with jealousy, or even having to cling on to another person for some type of support, because I've got me!

It's just crazy because it's not who I used to be, it's not who I want to be, but this is who I have become. Hopefully I stop having these dreams so I can officially stop having these "commitment" issues and I can finally let someone in, because seriously shits getting pretty crazy.

And I dont want to become this-->

Ok next week my post will be lighter I promise. I just wanted to vent because I know my friends are tired of listening to my ridiculous/unexplainable issues :)

Besos :*